What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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