He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
