If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
