they need to just BURY HIM!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
