I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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