Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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