Don't you send me to vm
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
