I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
