I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
