he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
should my penis look like a turkey
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
