either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just googled if crying burns calories
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Someone signed my nipple.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
