i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
