Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
