I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
