Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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