I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
