Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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