Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We named our party play list daddy issues
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
