you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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