can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
