So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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