NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
