I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
