Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
