dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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