Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
