She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
did you just send me my own nude
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
