I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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