woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
