Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
