remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
