Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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