I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
