Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
