Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
