I wish I could teleport
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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