Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
