I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
