i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
