I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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