I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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