so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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