Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
