If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
