well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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