I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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