giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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