So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My cat gives me a boner
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
