It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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