Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
