they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
