I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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